On a besoin des autres
It’s a common misconception that Self-Leadership and ⭐️ Self-Care mean meeting all of our own needs, being totally self-sufficient and not needing or wanting intimate ⭐️ Relationships, attunement, or for other people to love and take care of us.
We are always interdependent, whether we can recognize it or not. Nobody does anything alone. We’ve likely heard of the “lone wolf,” but this is propaganda grounded in western individualism — in nature, there is no such thing. If somebody doesn’t need help, it’s because they already have it. And if one of us is hurt, in some way all of us are hurt. It’s difficult to be resilient on our own, but going through hard things with the right people is where the good stuff is.
It makes sense for someone to look outside of themself for the love of another person. We all have have a need and a drive for ☀️ Connection and 🕯️ Love. It’s part of our humanity and why we seek ⭐️ Relationships.[1]
True, it’s important to be able to unblend and to be present for Parts of us who were neglected or wounded in childhood, but that doesn’t mean we’re expected to meet all of our needs or that we don’t need other people. In a sense, 🔑 there is no such thing as Self-Care — our external needs and connections are important to our well-being. It’s not either/or, it’s both/and.
Therapists have therapists, coaches have coaches, some have both – no one is immune to life’s many complications and nobody can solve all their problems on their own. All of us must teach and learn from each other. Life is not a story with a single main character who saves the world – this is a ⭐️ Community project. We are in this together, no one is in charge, no one has the full picture, and everyone needs support. In cultures like ours, which prioritizes individualism, we have a hard time reaching out to others and making requests for support.
We can’t always see ourselves clearly, or realize our mistakes while making them. We need people who can act as mirrors to help us to see ourselves more widely, our shadows, blindspots, and biases – or for Projection to highlight them for us. Memorizing a list of cognitive distortions, biases, and fallacies isn’t enough.
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